Review: HBO Doc 'Lil Nas X: Long Live Montero' Gives Icon's Queer Journey Center Stage

A golden sun rises, literally, on the set of Lix Nas X's "Long Live Montero" tour, with a solar emblem mounting a golden archway; Nas X himself glistens and glitters like a sun god in his metallic gold costumes, his chiseled abs flawlessly framed by the garments' cut.

Lil Nas X opens up in "Lil Nas X: Long Live Montero," a documentary filmed on the road during his first tour. What comes across in the film is that for every sunward flight there's a shadow side. In Nas X's case, it's the lingering fear of a fall, which can only have been sharpened by the staggering velocity of his ascent after his song "Old Town Road" made him a star almost literally overnight. "I feel like that's the one thing in life that keeps me going," Nas X admits in one supremely vulnerable moment.

His trepidation is understandable. In many ways, Lil Nas X is still in the process of discovering himself as an artist and as a human being. Primary to that is his journey out of the closet and to the top of the charts, and in turn Directors Carlos López Estrada and Zac Manuel center the film on the "Montero (Call Me By Your Name)" singer's ongoing process of self-acceptance.

In a way, it's less a choice made by Estrada and Manuel than a necessity, given how deeply entwined Lil Nas X's public embrace of his sexuality is with his artistic process and, even more so, his way of promoting his work. But underneath the Twitter japes and clap backs, the controversial photo shoot depicting Nas X as "pregnant" with his debut album, and that music video – you know the one; it features a lap dance for the devil – there's a story of lifelong pain and struggle as Montero Lamar Hill – Nas X's real name – dug himself out of a pit of internalized homophobia and embraced authenticity.

He did this, we learn, for spiritual reasons. Saying that "coming out was very important," Nas X explains, "burying parts of yourself will keep you further away from finding the truest version of you."

And it's that true version that fans go crazy for – the version that's documented in an audiovisual spectacle that mythologizes Nas X's journey, with metaphors that are religious (a favorite for Nas X), as well as secularly popular (the emergence of the butterfly from a caterpillar's cocoon). The real challenge here is no longer letting his authenticity flag fly (along with every version of the Pride flag, as depicted on the back of a Bilanciaga T-shirt the rapper wears at one point); rather, it's pulling together a show to take on the road, and doing it with only a few weeks' preparation time.

The hard work of practicing choreography comes hand in hand with lingering challenges to Nas X's psyche. At first finding it hard to be on stage with a group fo gay man – his backup dancers – Nas X comes to love the feeling of being ensconced among men who "help me understand myself more."

Adds Nas X: "I'm able to finally... be with other Black young gay men" after a period of wanting to be "the 'acceptable gay person,' like, 'This is the one who doesn't shove it down out throats. This is the one who keeps it to himself'."

Opening up to the camera, Nas X relates how his artistic flowering is tied to the bond he's developing with his family. "From 'the devil is tempting you to coming with me to a gay club," is how he summarizes his progress in finding acceptance with is father, brothers (one of whom credits Nas X with helping him accept his bisexuality), and his stepmother.

At the same time, his rise in the popular culture has been paralleled by moral panic – manufactured outrage is more like it – that focuses on the "Satanic" elements of Nas X's work. A form of theater in itself, this supposedly religious pushback takes the form, during the tour's stop in Boston, of a protest, with a Phelps-wannabe street preacher warning loudly about Nas X and his music. The artist's response? Nas X sent the protestors pizza and then lamented on social media that one of them was hot. (The subtext: What a waste!, as homophobic heterosexuals like to say.)

The film shows snippets of Nas X in concert, but this is no concert film. It sticks with the artists behind the scenes. That's fine; with his sophomore album due to drop soon, there will probably be another tour before long. Meantime, this doc pairs well with the artist's current social media campaign to promote the new work, as Nas X is revives the most effective parts of his playbook – teasing religious imagery, a linking of sexuality and spirituality in a way we haven't seen since Prince's heyday, and, underlying everything, an unabashed celebration of himself, his talent, and his rise in pop culture.

Lil Nas X soars, and this doc takes us along for the ride.

"Lil Nas X: Long Live Montero" streams at HBO starting January 27.